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How do I begin to explain the fear that swallowed me as the swarm of men forced us to the side of the road? Growing up, my mother constantly instilled the idea that danger is waiting everywhere I turn. Her philosophy was proven, and I remember the pain and horror everyday.

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The fact that I married Sam aside, I am always very cautious. Cautious turned more to obsession after my parents died. In the swirl of smoke, I saw my death and much worse. But in the overbearing roar of motors, I heard Samrsquo;s laughter. Contrasting my gripping fear, Samrsquo;s eyes glistened with shear joy.

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Now the sun has disappeared, and I cannot find comfort in the fact that these men surrounding me are his friends, band of brothers, family. The fire is reflecting shadows on Samrsquo;s face, and for the first time, I see a hard strength in my husband. It is in this moment that I realize I do not know this man at all.

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The beloved peyote is being passed around, and I know my husband will be out cold tonight. There is no safety in that thought. Though he tells me not to be, I am afraid. What will happen tonight once he enters an unconscious oblivion?

Can I blame Sam? I havenapos;t told him about my initial breach of innocence. I canapos;t tell him how I�drown in a crimson wave most nights once I close my eyes. Somehow I must trust Sam, a man I barely know and trust these men.

Breathe. You agreed to this adventure.

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